people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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