We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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