just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
