Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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