Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
