She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
