ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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