its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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