pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
