In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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