i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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