I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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