when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
