GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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