Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
