Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
