My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
