This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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