Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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