How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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