it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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