I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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