yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
