I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
