You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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