I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
