so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
