wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
