i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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