I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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