I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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