if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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