ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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