I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
