Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
