if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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