Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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