I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
