I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
