im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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