very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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