what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
