I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
