Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
