My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
