you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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