The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
