So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
