Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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