I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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