Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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