I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
