please come you make the beer taste better
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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