i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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