no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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